Potty Training

"You are four years old.  You have to sh*t on the toilet.  This is not one of those negotiations where we'll go back and forth and find a middle ground.  This ends with you sh*tting in a toilet."  Quote by Sam Halpern as read in "Sh*t My Dad Says"

My son is 3 years old now and won’t poop on the toilet. I have tried praise, rewards, bribery, a firm tone of voice, demanding tone of voice and outright humiliating tactics (big boys poop on the potty and not in their diapers).  Unlike Sam Halpern I can't talk to my son the way he does in the opening quote -- even though it's as funny as all heck.  As such I had an idea for a different angle.  My son loves Diego so I thought perhaps I could reason with him by using that admiration to my advantage. One day I told him “Diego poops on the toilet” and he told me in the most matter-of-fact way --  “No, Diego poops in the jungle.” I decided to run with the idea and for while he had graduated from pooping in diapers to pooping in the backyard. I essentially hover nearby  until the deed is done then pick up the poop with a grocery bag (just like I do with the dog) then wipe his butt (I don’t do this with the dog). Unfortunately, he has to poop at the hottest part of the day and if I don’t get to it before Jack the dog does then there is no poop to pick up – which really sucks.

I bought the book “Where's the Poop?” thinking it might encourage him to go to the potty. I don’t know why I thought this since every animal in the book “poops in the jungle” which only reinforced not pooping on the potty. We are back to pooping in the diaper because picking up poop in the grass from your toddler just doesn’t seem right and it is too hot.  Ultimately I hope I am not picking up poop in the yard from my toddler until he is four -- that is as bad as nursing the first son until he was three.  In the meantime I am open to suggestions…..