Ethan the Dog?

My three year old, Ethan, drinks out of the dog bowl. If any of his food falls on the floor and I call for Jack the Dog -- Ethan throws himself on the floor and licks up all the food before Jack gets there. Today I caught him eating the peanut butter for Jack’s treats (it was in the bag with the dog treats). To make matters worse Jack saw someone walk by the front window so he started barking -- and so did Ethan. Could he be turning into a dog? Is this normal? Should I seek psychiatric help or will he outgrow this? Maybe I am not socializing him enough and he is perhaps spending too much time with Jack. I guess I will really worry when he lifts his leg to pee on something – for now it is just a few harmless dog treats and barking. 

He Did It!

Big brother Jace got Ethan to poop on the potty today! When asked how he did it he just said “I told him he is not pooping in a diaper or outside – it is on the potty or not at all.” We suspect big brother may have been motivated by selfish reasons to demand his little brother poop on the potty and not in his usual spots. But, really, what teenage boy wants to wipe poop off a three year old’s butt even if it is your brother? I know Jace didn’t relish following Ethan around with a baggy in the yard either – he doesn’t even like picking up after the dog. In this case, selfishness triumphs over evil (okay, that is a little dramatic). Whether a miracle or the result of brotherly shame for us it means the end of diapers, pooping in the grass and picking it up with baggies.

This is a momentous occasion deserving of celebration with cookies and milk – and maybe ice cream too!

Cowboy Boots

One would never know by looking at me today, but I used to wear boots nearly all the time growing up and into my early twenties. So if anyone has experience on knowing how to pick the right size boot it should be me. However, it has been nearly twenty years since I last put on a pair of boots and I forgot about the size rules. As such I ended up buying three pairs of boots trying to get the right size. After the second pair purchase I decided to do some internet research on how to fit a cowboy boot and the information I found was at best -- inaccurate. Having owned numerous pairs of cowboy boots (Justin Ropers, Tony Lama) I always had to go one to two sizes smaller than my regular shoe size. First of all, if you buy a good quality leather boot – it will stretch. You don’t want to buy it too big anticipating you can wear a thick sock unless you are in a climate warranting thick socks. Here – not so much. When I used to wear and buy Justin Ropers I would have to get a 4 ½ B, which is two sizes smaller than what I usually wear. Every brand is different, but as a rule you will wear a smaller size in a leather boot. My recommendation is to shop around for several brands since some are more comfortable than others.

Since I don’t get much opportunity for shopping I turned to endless.com. I bought about six boots from them last fall and returned them all because they were not what I wanted – and I did not have to pay a dime for shipping coming or going! This year I finally found a boot I thought I might like and based on the reviews bought them in my usual shoe size (not boot size). As mentioned previously the first pair was too big so I ordered the next smaller size and sent the first ones back. The second pair was also too big so I ordered the third pair one full size smaller than my usual shoe size – size 6B. They arrived today and they fit perfectly. I tried both the 6 ½ and 6 on with thick and thin socks and the 6 ½ was still loose. In my experience one would not want to wear thick socks with cowboy boots as so many “experts” advise. As such I decided to go with the smaller size since it was still loose and being leather it will loosen up more.

The best things about endless.com are one can buy multiple sizes to find the right fit and boot, initial and return shipping are free and it is on-line. For mom’s of small children you know how horrible your children act when you are trying to shop in the store? Well, now they can still act horrible, but no one can judge you since you are shopping on-line.

Adirondack Chairs

I have decided my next project is to make an Adirondack chair. I don’t know if you know this, but to buy one already made is very expensive (usually over $100). What is an Adirondack chair you may ask? Well according to Wikipedia the Adirondack chair was designed by Thomas Lee in 1903 while he was on vacation in Westport, New York, in the heart of the Adirondack Mountains. Apparently he wanted outdoor chairs for his summer home. The “original Adirondack chair was made with eleven pieces of wood, cut from a single board. It had a straight back and seat, which were set at a slant to sit better on the steep mountain inclines of the area. It also featured wide armrests, which became a hallmark of the Adirondack chair.”

I have always loved these chairs and I think they would look great around our fire pit so I am ready to take on the challenge, get out my tools (and get some new ones) and go to work. I will keep you posted on my progress, or lack thereof, which often seems to be the case (the bike).

Book Fever

It appears I have ignited a small fire in my husband for reading. After reading Sh*t My Father Says I encouraged him to read a similarly funny book, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up. Unfortunately, he isn’t as enchanted with this witty book about marital un-bliss as he was with the aforementioned Sh*t, but is reading it none the less.

I just finished Mansfield Park by Jane Austen for my book club and needless to say it was a difficult read. Not only was the language obtrusive, but the lack of a strong female character made it very difficult for me to want to keep reading. Fortunately, I jumped ahead and read the end which made me more eager to finish the book. Yet in spite of jumping ahead I was still surprised by the ending because by skipping to the end I missed out why it ended the way it did. Does that make sense? In a nutshell Fanny marries her cousin Edmund (which is what I read when I jumped to the end), but what I failed to read was why she married Edmund and not Henry Crawford.  Incidentally, by jumping to the end I became very unhappy with Fanny for marrying Edmund and not Henry when he seemed to be so smitten and changed by her. However, when I finally got to the “end” and read the part before the part about her marrying Edmund I learned she didn’t want to marry Henry because he ran off with her married cousin Maria (to fornicate). Gasp! In the end I was glad she married her steadfast lifelong friend (and cousin) Edmund to live happily ever after.

As a general rule I don’t care for books with “happily ever after” because it usually involves some helpless woman who needs to be rescued by the big strong smart man, which is why I am so happy our next book is Joan of Arc by Mark Twain.  I did not know Mark Twain wrote about anything other than life on the Mississippi River but apparently he was very fascinated by the life of Joan of Arc. He researched her story for twelve years while he lived in France.  I don’t know much about her other than she kicked some serious butt in her day, was regarded as a leader of her people and did not have a “happily ever after” since she died at age 15. I have no doubt she was squelched out in her prime by a big strong smart man.

La Ville-Lumière

Père Lachaise Cemetery

I have had the extreme pleasure of inviting my very dear friend to go on vacation with us to Europe next spring. Ms. Kitty, as she will be known, has never been anywhere besides a handful of states nearby so going to Europe will be … surreal. I remember when I landed in Paris, The City of Lights,  for the first time it was… surreal. Unreal and unknown. There are very few experiences or things that have had a profound impact on my life and going to Europe in 1999 was one of them.

Jim Morrison lead singer of the Doors said once “There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors.” All that stands between knowing and not knowing is moving forward. Interesting. All that stands between experiencing life and not experiencing it is not moving at all. Incidentally Jim Morrison is buried in Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris. His grave and those around him are decorated with various quotes from his life the most profound of which is “there are things known…and things unknown.” Who knows what it really means? Seeing Europe for the first time, moving forward into the unknown, will be a profound experience for my friend of which I have no doubt.



River  Seine in Paris



And on a lighter note it will be a profound experience for my husband and I since we both stated unequivocally after our last trip we would “never go to Europe again with you….ever!” You may be wondering why – you saw the pictures and read my posts so it looks and sounds like we had a great time. And we did – but he really pissed me off at the end and that is why I subsequently stated “never again.” Let me explain. My husband speaks three languages fluently and he refuses to translate. Apparently it hurts his brain. So, what we fight about is his lack of chivalry and my lack of motivation to simultaneously learn two new languages. Seriously, who’s in the wrong here? I am after all just a woman. Moreover, I believe expecting me to learn a language while working, cleaning, taking care of the baby, not getting any sleep, cooking meals (well, not really) and maintaining a household is totally unreasonable (I can hardly remember how to add and subtract half of the time).  No doubt we will need to resume the marriage counseling prior to the trip.

In the meantime, I will be looking forward to planning our trip and seeing my friend, Ms. Kitty, experience France, its amazing history and architecture as well as the effects of marriage counseling to make my husband a better translator. Amen.

As a side note...how does one spend ten plus days in Paris and take only two photos of the most famous sight there -- the Eiffel Tower and fifty pictures of a graveyard?

Horny Toads and Green Frogs

This past week we visited with my sister, mother, brother and their families in Parks, Arizona. I have to say 70° days and 40° nights were well worth the three hour drive. Besides visiting with family we were hoping to go on a local hike which we did -- Keyhole Sink Trail. This particular trail is a favorite with local elementary schools because of its easy unobstructed trail and short duration. This easy one mile round trip trail took us a little over an hour with two three year olds, a two and a half year old, a 15 month old and a few thirty somethings, one whom was hung over (and he knows who he is -- Toby).

This was a great hike for the children since we got to see quite a bit of wild life. The first thing we saw was a baby horny toad (Phrynosoma platyrhinos) which is neither horny or a toad – don’t ask me how it got its name. The three year olds loved this and I have to admit I did as well since I haven’t seen one in over 15 years. They used to be very common in the lower desert, but I imagine due to development they are being slowly eradicated. At the sinkhole we saw tadpoles and baby green frogs – again the three year olds loved this.

We really had a lovely day having had the opportunity to see so much wild life.  Hikes in the lower desert usually only yield rattle snake sightings which I am not particularly fond of when hiking with children.  As such this nearly two hour hike, well, it really didn’t seem like two hours until the last thirty minutes when all the toddlers wished to be carried (and so did some of the adults....the one with the hangover) was successful as a great family get together. 

Cilantro Flowers

I came home from work last night to four “vases (sippy cups)” of lovely “flowers,” also known as… cilantro, displayed prominently throughout the kitchen. This apparently was the work of my three year old who told his daddy “mommy will smell these and she will be happy!” After a long day at work nothing could have made me happier…except maybe a day’s worth of sleep.

Sleep, however, was something I did not get that night. My oldest son called me at 9 p.m. to tell me he thought he may have broken his wrist at a soccer game. After picking him up I realized it may be broken so we prepared to be off to medical services at 9:30 at night. Fortunately, my wonderful husband volunteered to take him to the urgent care. Since Jace is 18 he is still eligible to be taken to the nighttime pediatric urgent care in Mesa, Goodnight Pediatrics, which had….no waiting and an x-ray machine on site. One does not realize how great a find the pediatric urgent care is until you have waited in an ER for six hours with very little sleep. For me it was a suspenseful sleeplessness until 12:30 a.m. when they got back to confirm he has two fractures with displacement.

The night was bittersweet in spite of the sweet cilantro smell as I had my whole family under one roof, but one was in pain, the other was restless and the parents…were sleepless once again.

Sh*t My Dad Says

"On the democratic system:  'We're having fish for dinner...Fine, let's take a vote.  Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain't so fun when it f*cks you, huh?' "

"On sportmanship: 'You pitched a great game, you really did.  I'm proud of you.  Unfortunately your team is sh*tty...No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're sh*tty.  Life will get mad at them, don't worry.'  "

I bought this book at Costco two days ago because I had seen the author on a talk show and the stories he told about his father were quite funny. I also had hopes of encouraging my husband to read something besides technical manuals on the fission of semi-conductor nanocytes. It worked. He hasn’t been able to put this book down and all too frequently bursts out with peals of laughter. This is the funniest book I have ever read, but have only had the opportunity to read for a few minutes at a time because I am currently reading the most boring book ever “Mansfield Park” by Jane Austen (my book club's choice). I must caution you though – if you find the “F” word offensive this book might not be for you. On the other hand if you find an educated professional spewing forth obscenities laced with unabashed wisdom -- you will love this.

Potty Training

"You are four years old.  You have to sh*t on the toilet.  This is not one of those negotiations where we'll go back and forth and find a middle ground.  This ends with you sh*tting in a toilet."  Quote by Sam Halpern as read in "Sh*t My Dad Says"

My son is 3 years old now and won’t poop on the toilet. I have tried praise, rewards, bribery, a firm tone of voice, demanding tone of voice and outright humiliating tactics (big boys poop on the potty and not in their diapers).  Unlike Sam Halpern I can't talk to my son the way he does in the opening quote -- even though it's as funny as all heck.  As such I had an idea for a different angle.  My son loves Diego so I thought perhaps I could reason with him by using that admiration to my advantage. One day I told him “Diego poops on the toilet” and he told me in the most matter-of-fact way --  “No, Diego poops in the jungle.” I decided to run with the idea and for while he had graduated from pooping in diapers to pooping in the backyard. I essentially hover nearby  until the deed is done then pick up the poop with a grocery bag (just like I do with the dog) then wipe his butt (I don’t do this with the dog). Unfortunately, he has to poop at the hottest part of the day and if I don’t get to it before Jack the dog does then there is no poop to pick up – which really sucks.

I bought the book “Where's the Poop?” thinking it might encourage him to go to the potty. I don’t know why I thought this since every animal in the book “poops in the jungle” which only reinforced not pooping on the potty. We are back to pooping in the diaper because picking up poop in the grass from your toddler just doesn’t seem right and it is too hot.  Ultimately I hope I am not picking up poop in the yard from my toddler until he is four -- that is as bad as nursing the first son until he was three.  In the meantime I am open to suggestions…..

"Super Secret Hiding Spot"

I often have to hide the "goodies" in the house from my husband because he will get up in the night and eat the entire container/box of the said "goodie."  I feel I must mention I do not buy the "goodies" my husband is the one who does that.  His favorite and the easiest to hide?  Nutella.  My toddler saw me hide the nutella one day in my "super secret hiding spot."  I have been a little concerned he will divulge this secret to his father, but so far he has been a good secret keeper.

This morning it was noticed by my toddler that his father bought two boxes of nutty ice cream cones.  I told him he could not have them for breakfast he would have to wait until the afternoon after lunch (I don't think he understood a bit of what I said), but he came up to me a few minutes later with the boxes saying we needed to "hide them from daddy in the super secret hiding place."  The little guy is becoming as smart as me more and more each day.

Toddler and New Couch = Oxymoronic

I have a beautiful couch and loveseat made of the prettiest red/tan striped cotton – it is quintessential cottage. Only problem is after three years it has become quite faded due to all the washings. And why have I had to wash it so much? Because my three year old insists on being near or on it only when he is dirty. I have been so dismayed by the faded arms I convinced my husband to let me buy a new couch with slipcovers. My rationale: he just bought a plasma tv. No really – I believed if I could have a couch with washable slipcovers in a light color I would never again have to be dismayed by an unattractive seating arrangement. Was I ever wrong.

I remember the day it arrived. I was at work so I asked my husband to take a picture and send it to me. He sent me a picture with our toddler standing next to it… I wanted to scream “get the baby away from the couch,” but I couldn’t because I was at work and might scare the patients. It was a foreboding sign. I reminded myself “the covers are washable, the covers are washable…” – it became my mantra.

My beautiful new slip covered couch arrived less than a week ago and it has already sustained “a mark.” Not just any mark, but a pen mark. I tried to spot clean it, but all that did was leave a really clean spot. You see, our new couch was a floor model and we got it at a huge discount (as well as its matching smaller sofa – it only made sense to buy the smaller one too). So it had been sitting on the store floor accumulating dust and debris so when I cleaned the “spot” it just made us realize how clean the whole couch wasn’t. It didn’t make me feel any better about the toddler damage, but it made me realize how foolish my idea was to have a light colored (off white to be exact) couch with a miniature wrecking machine running around our house with a slobbering dog in tow.

FaceBook Convert

I was never interested in having a Facebook page because I felt it was a superficial way to stay in touch with family and friends.  I believed people used it as a substitute to good old fashioned hanging out or talking on the phone, but I have finally given in to getting a Facebook page.  And it appears I am not the only recent Facebook convert in my network:  my sister Julie finally gave in and now has a Facebook page much to the happiness of her friends and family. Although I am not as obsessed as some -- I find it to be occasionally useful and somewhat entertaining.

Truth be told, and entertainment value aside, the real reason I am a Facebook convert is so I may follow what is going on with my son and share pictures with family.  It has been a few weeks and I still don't understand some of the idiosyncrasies of Facebook like why comments my "friends" make show up on my page, what the "wall" is, why it is so important to "accumulate" friends or why little advertisements appear with some one's name advocating for the product.  And oddly, with my brief experience, I have found Facebook to be somewhat like high school.  You are either popular with many friends....or not.  Everyone who is on Facebook knows which one you are -- just like high school.  My husband asked me how many friends I have and  I said thirteen -- I am not so popular.  I don't mind.  I had my turn...I was popular in high school.

Unlike high school, where I rarely had time to be lonely, the advancement of technology has only exacerbated the lack of in-person connecting for most of us today.  I believe one of my "friends" on Facebook summed up today's technology rather well:  ‎"It's supposed to make us feel more connected...but I feel lonelier than ever."  Facebook is a useful way to stay connected, but should never be used as a substitute for annoying people in person.

Bathroom Refurbish Done Inexpensively

Our shower door and partition trim (aluminum) have seen better days. The water in Maricopa is heavily laden with minerals which cause the metal to corrode rather quickly. As such our door looked rather disgusting in spots where the corroded metal "grew" a whitish substance eating away the paint. We tried cleaning it with various heavy duty cleaners, but nothing helped. Fortunately, my industrious and talented husband decided to take it apart and clean it up. Unfortunately, however, once he got the door and partition apart he realized it might not be so easy to put back together – especially without directions.

We went to Lowe’s and Home Depot thinking we could buy a new door with the accompanying partition. Boy did we get some sticker shock -- $300 and up for a custom replacement. Again, as in all other projects that involve dumping money into a house  in today's market we decided it just wasn’t worth it. We had to revert back to plan A which was clean it up, repaint it and put it back together. We estimated this would be a relatively easy project costing no more than $15 for paint and sandpaper.

Clean up involved sanding all metal pieces and cleaning with alcohol wipes. After a couple of coats of high quality semi-gloss paint the pieces were re-assembled in the bathroom with only a few minor glitches (and a fresh coat of paint to the walls). Much to our surprise and happiness -- it looks great! One of the positive aspects of cleaning it up was it had originally been brown – all the other fixtures in the bathroom are black satin save the lighting fixtures which will be painted later this week. I wasn’t really sure we could pull it off without it looking like it was painted by a novice, but it turned out quite well.

Go Fly a Kite..No Really…

Believe it or not, but my husband has never flown a kite. He says he was too poor, but I think it is because they don’t have kites in Germany. Last Sunday was his first time flying a kite. Albeit my kite assembly skills and his lack thereof, nearly cost him his experience. It has been many years since I flown a kite and as such one can see why I had the string on the wrong side (the stick side showing). Thanks to our neighbor, the inventor and fellow scorpion hunter, Shane, it was successful.

Shane and Erkan finally got the kite in the air much to the delight of the kids who ran around chasing it. For myself -- I enjoyed sitting in the shade with Jack Brody.

What is wrong with people?

I love craigslist, but lately my experiences have been more annoying than fun.  Most recently we tried to buy a Mazda hatchback to replace our Mazda sedan, but no one we contacted on Autotrader.com or craigslist.com would return our messages. Seriously we must have made a dozen calls and sent a half a dozen emails to various car owners and not a single person replied. I even sent and left a couple of scathing messages and they still wouldn’t call me back. The burning question is what is wrong with these people? Why advertise your car or item if you are not going to sale it? Moreover, when we have advertised different items we received constant emails saying “do you still have this car/item/thingimiggy” and I want to scream “if I sold it you wouldn’t see the ad dumbass.” I made the stupid mistake of saying in an ad “don’t send me an email asking if I still have this – if you are reading the ad – I still have it.” Of course I received a bunch of emails asking “do you still have this.” I asked for that one.

To all the people out there that do this: please stop ruining other people’s craigslist.com experience…answer you damn emails and stop asking “do you still have this?” – it is annoying.

Is Summer Over Yet?

My grass is dying. I give up trying to keep it green. Our water bill last month was $160 (the environmentalists will probably hate me for wasting so much water on aesthetics) and the grass still struggled to look lively. All of the plum trees died. The heat killed them – at least that is what I blame it on. The roses are struggling as well – nary a new leaf or bud in the last two months. Heck, if you left me outside in 118° day after day for two months I’d die to – in fact it happens to tourists quite frequently at the Grand Canyon. Arizona heat kills plants and people. No wonder nothing is green here.

Speaking of green… our little experiment of putting reflective insulated bubble packing over our windows to reduce the transfer of heat (aluminum windows) failed miserably to decrease our electric bill. Yes, it looks white trashy from the outside, but on the inside it is much cooler than without it. I can live with the white trash look for a couple of months for a cooler room. Oddly this is the thing we can’t figure out – the room is completely bearable compared to last summer so why isn’t the electric bill lower? We had considered replacing the windows, but unfortunately a $15k investment in our house was out of the question in this real estate market. Summers are brutal here and Fall isn’t any better.

I don’t believe the grass will recover during the wind down to fall (fall in Arizona? Now that is an oxymoron). Really, fall is a mere five to ten degrees cooler than summer and I would say most people will agree 100° is not “fall-like” weather. Two months to better weather is the way I see it. Two months left of unrelenting heat and then….green grass.

Cooking is Still Overrated

I took my own advice several weeks ago and cooked a few dinners from internet recipes. Of course, they didn’t look like the ones in the pictures, but they all turned out to be quite delicious. This was quite an accomplishment for me and at the time I believed I was turning over a new leaf. I believed I was going to be cooking exotic meals (anything besides a salad, spaghetti and tacos is exotic to me) from then on because it was fun, easy and tapped into my creative spirit.

Creating food masterpieces only lasted about one week.

The more I thought about it the more I realized it isn’t I didn’t enjoy the art of creating some food masterpiece it just seemed to be a lot of work to eat only a little bit.  I had to go to specialty stores for the majority of ingredients whose names I could not even pronounce.  Then there was the ever present fear what if it tasted bad?  What if I had spent all this time and money on something that is not even edible (those ingredients with unpronounceable names had ungodly price tags)?  It was fun during the making, but obviously not enough "fun" -- otherwise it would have lasted more than a week.  I may still create some exotic meal from time to time, but I will stick to things I know best like…mowing the lawn or refinishing furniture and leave the cooking to my husband.