Raising Children

I am convinced parents are the reasons their children are selfish. Who else could be at fault? We give and give and give and give thinking it is the right thing to do, but it is not. Of course, who can blame me or any parent– it is our culture here in America. Bend over backwards for your kids early on and stay in that position so they can properly thank you in their teenage years and beyond – that’s the American Way. While raising my oldest son I didn’t feel I gave him too much materially. Although looking back I suppose he did have a lot. His father definitely made up for what I didn’t give in terms of toys, fancy shoes and what not. And in true-to-those-who-get-too-much fashion my son destroyed, lost, or gave away the majority of things his Dad or I bought. He simply had too much, and therefore, it didn’t matter if he lost some of those things. It’s funny, but as a parent you want your children to have more than what you did. You want them to have all the things your parents couldn’t give you.

I believe now giving your child too much is doing them a disservice. I am going to give less from now on. Give less stuff, give less of my time and maybe even give less love (it doesn’t mean I don’t feel love the size of the universe for my children, but I am not going to show it). I am not going to be as available as I was the first time around. With my oldest I never missed a soccer or basketball game – a train couldn’t have stopped me from going. I should have missed a few games just to show him the world didn’t revolve around him. But he was an only child and I was a single mom trying to make up for the fact that I was the only parent. In doing so I gave too much and now my oldest thinks he doesn’t have to work hard for the good things in life. It should just come for free like everything else did – or at least it is what he believes. But I did him the disservice and now he has to undo it. I will be there for him while he figures it out – not all the time, but at least most of the time.